473. A Birthday Speech (aborted)

(An account of an attempted delivery at the occasion of L.Ron Hubbard's 97th Birthday on March 13th, 1998, exact place unknown)

  [Speaker clears his throat while the audience gazes
   at a picture on the wall opposite to the speaker,
   yelling "hip-hip-hurray" three times in a row]

Ladies and Gentlemen,

Few men in the history of mankind have been so thoroughly
vilified, glorified, followed, persecuted, applauded,
damned, admired, and slandered as Lafayette Ronald
Hubbard, born March 13th, 1911, in Tilden, Nebraska.

The dark and pink clouds of emotional reactions obstruct
any rational assessment of both his accomplishments and his

In the first half of this century, he set out do to what
he is now accused of: finding ways to clear the human
mind from irrational influences, or, to use a word that
has been subject to a hilarious double-speak conversion,
to 'brainwash' himself and others.

While, throughout the known history of man, there have been
hundreds of millions of people working towards the goal of
freeing their minds from hate, ignorance, and delusions
(and without being bothered too much by the other billions),
Hubbard's efforts have been greeted by insanely extreme

Grasping this splendid opportunity to drop all carefully
constructed and maintained facades of tolerance, people from
all walks of life jump in quickly to throw massive amounts
of stones from within their glass houses towards what they
perceive as the incarnation of evil as such.

Ironically, at the same time, thousands of people deadlock
their lifes to an organization whose totalitarian attitude
cannot possibly be overlooked but whose original purpose was
based on the spiritual liberation of the individual.

  [Speaker was interrupted for some unknown reasons.
   Continues after a short break.]

Dear Friends! A bread knife can be used to cut bread. It can
also be used to cut another person's throat. Should all bread
knifes be banned because of the number of people who were
murdered with bread knifes?

Or, following the preference of contemporary politicians, should
the use of bread knifes be restricted to certified and licensed
bread knife users? And, if so, should there be a tax-exemption from
the now dearly needed yearly bread-knife-usage-license-fees if
a person is cutting only two loafs of bread per week or less,
and if so, the person does it exclusively for their own personal
use, and what are the rules for...

  [A heckler interrupts: "what's the point, man?"
   Speaker continues after a pause but at least one sentence
   of his speech will be lost for ever.]

The more powerful a tool is, the more damage can be done with it
if it is not used correctly. One of the rather amusing mental
twists around is the assertion that Hubbard's 'technology' would be
without any merits while, at the same time and by the same people,
it is claimed to harm countless, poor, and defenseless creatures.

  [Speaker irritated because of giggling in the audience.]

Part of the story is, of course, that Hubbard's heirs, legal or not,
are bringing it on themselves. Another part of it that the
'establishment' does not like competition and tries to counteract
any non-academical initiative that is sanctioned by the government.

But the reaction of many people  (or rather that of their minds),
when confronted with some of Hubbard's propositions, assertions, or
conclusions, is paranoid beyond belief and often to the point of
sheer hysteria, and cannot solely be explained by manipulation
of the broad public through the mass media.

On top of this confusion, Hubbard's heirs, legal or not, are trying
to keep secret what is open for inspection on the Internet, and,
in desperate attempts to prevent something that has already happened,
are using the legal system to silence everybody who does not belief
or follow their current mindset.

  [Open hostility in the audience.]

Any open, honest discussion of the genuine content of Hubbard's
work, is therefore likely to provoke even more stones being thrown -
this time from _all_ directions.

  [The heckler interrupted again: "you're damn right, man!" and
   started throwing items from the Veggie buffet towards the
   speaker who now appeared to be frightened.].

Eeh, actually, eeh, what this all means is that also any honest
attempt to properly honor L.Ron Hubbard's life and work is
futile if not outright dangerous. Too bad.

  [A potato thrown at the speaker missed him by an inch but
   then he got hit by what may have been a tomato.]

Let's try again, eeh, let's say, in ten years from now. See you then.

  [Unknown speaker escaped through the back door without
   major injuries (this time around). ]


Copyleft 1998 by Maximilian J. Sandor, Ph.D.