4821. The Holy
Book of True Veight (HBTV)
Note from the compiler:
This document stems from the Virago-2000 collection,
which in many aspects can be seen as a template for the dreaded Volumes
of Pnohteftu. It has purportedly been an addendum to the 'Logs of JD Flora'.
The latter assertion, however, could never be confirmed with certainty.
In any case, the Holy Book Of Veight (HBV)
appeared about three centuries from now for the first time in several major
time lines. It has been outlawed for at least three and a half centuries
during the Enginist Regime.
Until then, the Victorinfinists violently prosecuted
what they called infringements on their Holy Rights.
At this point everywhere in time, the so-called
Time Police is still investigating in how exactly the relics now widely
known as the "Holy Veight Can" and the "Chevrolet V8 2.6L Engine Service
Manual" could possibly
survive the cleansings during the Great Culture
Revolution of the years 2164-2173.
It is in the future interest of the reader
and all his or her loved ones, that the reader is taking a vow first.
Therefore, prior to viewing the Holy Book of
True Veight, the following solemn pledge and the promise to not misuse
this information in any way is required in front of two (2) witnesses:
(The page containing this sensitive data will
not be shown unless ALL THREE buttons (reader and two witnesses) have been
Before proceeding to view the Holy Book of
True Veight (HBTV), I solemnly swear that:
So Be It. Amen!
I am over eight (8) years old.
I never had and will never ever have any problems
with veight, V, 8, V8, or V-8.
I firmly uphold that V stands for Victory and
8 stands for Infinity and that any other interpretation is the work of
I never had and will never ever have any affiliation
with persons or groups who are wrongly and falsely claiming that V-8 would
have anything to do with engines, vehicles, or non-vegetable oils or liquids
of any kind.
I pledge to fight with all available means any
person or group who propagates or endorses the evil lie that cans made
from aluminum or any other metal could ever be filled with a liquid that
then would somehow burn. I fully realize the insanity and falsehood of
claims to the effect that such an unholy and profoundly evil desacration
of holy cylinders could ever possibly be used to
move a vehicle or anything else for that matter.
I shall always Shake Before Serving, whether it
is serving the Almighty, or any person, group, association, or nation.
Because the Almighty Himself hath commanded it on the Holy Can.
Furthermore, by my life, I pledge to always PROMPTLY
refrigerate and never doubt any Holy Nutrition Facts, as I recognize
and affirm hereby at this day, before two witnesses, that there can be
no Facts other than the Holy Nutrition Facts of Veight.
I shall defend with my life the Holy Relic of
the Veight Can, erected and preserved by the Almighty in ancient times
at the lost city of Camden in the forgotten country of Njusa.
I swear allegance to the Almighty who has promised
us 'Satisfaction Guaranteed' as written on the Holy Veight Can that He
Himself hath given onto our ancestors.
I pledge to always Recycle and to Redeem Receipt
as He Himself hath commanded us unworthy Earthlings.
I fully realize and understand the truth of the
word of the Almighty and for any questions or comments I shall call the
Holy Number 1-800-871-0988 eighthundred or more times and shall wait
patiently until the Almighty Himself shall give me answers.
Because He is the Natural Source of Alpha, Beta,
Carotine, and Omega, and Everything that ever was.
As He hath his commands inscribed on the Holy
Finally, before clicking the buttons,
both witnesses and the pledging party must speak together the Holy Prayer
of the Veight Can THREE (3) times:
"Your Daily Values
May Be Higher or Lower
Your Calorie Needs.
[Note: ALL buttons have to be pushed at
the same time in order to be able to view the Sacred Document. You may
need the new ParaJava Version 21.05 with PassiveZ to do this.]
Copyleft © 1998
by Maximilian J. Sandor,