Self Clearing Diary
`Thoughts, Emotions, and Attitudes'
If we inspire others to do clearing work then we have achieved our aim
Mastery over your own mind is a necessary step in your spiritual advancement. In this chapter we will take some beginning steps in this direction.
from The Pilot's Self Clearing book - Chapter 3
Process 3.1 Attitudes
Pick an innocuous object in the room, one that you neither love nor hate. Look at it and feel various positive things about it. Decide that you love it, it is beautiful, wonderful, helpful, etc. Feel joy at having it there. Do this for some minutes, making the feelings and attitudes as positive as you can. Then reverse this...
R - Effort at first feeling attitudes toward object/s because been cause rather than effect emotionally since earlier clearing work. Became aware of attitudes already in objects placed there by manufacturer/s. For example, they had already put aesthetics, pride, etc into table which made it hard to superimpose my attitudes on theirs (reluctance to invalidate them). Continuing process made clearer the difference between my stuff and objects' stuff. Saw objects as they were in the past (their time track). Realised continuing would be clearing objects' track. Also realised this was basis of psychometry (Webster's Dictionary - the supposed faculty of divining knowledge about an object, or about a person connected with it, through contact with the object).
R - Awoke with right arm completely numb from shoulder down. Very scary as it's happened before along with severe chest pains. At age 47 it could mean heart trouble though I run and swim year round. Decided to do more process 1.3 Applying attention process to body as this helped with broken toe previously and I like doing solo stuff. Began at 8am. Found it much quicker than the standard `touch assist' (which requires another person). In fact, found it helped to synchronise process with tick of clock. Immediately was doing process from behind my body which soon relaxed around neck and shoulders. After a few minutes relevant images came to mind, eg, 1. American civil war soldier with right arm missing (from shoulder down) 2. lying on battlefield, musket ball in centre of chest 3. robot body with ball bearing in centre of chest causing short circuit. This last image brought release of energy in chest area and feeling of relief so ended process at 9am. Also helped explain my affinity for robots and sci fi. (Forbidden Planet, Lost In Space, The Terminator, C3PO in Star Wars).
(R - UPDATE December 2000 - see diary chapter 31 for data on Linus Pauling's cure for all heart disease.)
Pick a large object in the room, such as a piece of furniture. Think of an object which is not present and which it would be silly to associate with the piece of furniture. You might for example pick a bookcase in the room and choose a manhole cover for the silly association.
Look at the object and immediately think of the silly thing that you have associated with it, as if it was an automatic association. In other words, you look at the bookcase and immediately think "manhole covers". If possible, actually visualize a mental picture of a manhole cover which pops into view when you look at the bookcase.
Do this a few times, looking at the object and having the association occur and then looking away and having the thought or picture go away.
T - After associating objects the win I had was no longer associating items compulsively.
R - Immediately realised I'd been doing this for years as a mnemonic system for recalling names, dates, phone numbers, etc, and recognised the rehabilitation of this ability. A few years ago I studied various memory systems, got excited and wrote a book called How To Remember 100 Jokes . I may publish it one day. Last week I used the associations process to memorise American states and capitals. So I had flattened this process years ago taking the ability to make associations to a superior and practical level way above the norm.
Sunday 12 April 1998
Process 3.3 Emotions
Pick an object. Get the idea that you feel sorry for the object. Then get the idea that the object feels sorry for you. Alternate back and forth a few times. Then pick another object and do the same. Continue this until you feel some control over grief and sympathy...
R - (Enjoying this Easter long weekend! We surfed the net in morning then we took a friend
to the beach and bodysurfed. Well, I surfed while the girls watched. Caught about 20 great waves then we had great
lunch at a club, returned to friend's place to help her with computer, then back home and do another process).
T read instructions for process. I went first then noticed T 's attention
not with me. I queried this and T began crying. We found the earlier similar incidents in
restimulation (which brought some relief) and an invalidative phrase. Got T to repeat the
phrase over and over. At first she couldn't say it at all. We continued until she was able to say
it easily and started laughing about it.
(Update 25/4/98 - T now uses the phrase freely in conversation with me, as an in-joke).
T - After we started this process I realised I had left wet clothes in the washing machine. Two previous incidents came to mind involving myself and wet or soiled clothes. A phrase that my mother used when I was younger made me very upset when I thought of it again. R helped me to handle the situation and flatten the emotion on it. I again realised that at times I feel resentment towards members of my family.
Monday 13 April 1998
R - Before T arrived home did more process 1.3 Applying attention process to body to safeguard against further body problems but nothing occurred apart from change in viewpoint. Some difficulty being exterior confronting face whereas back of head is no problem. One reason was order to `face the front' in army. Another was the thought it was narcissistic to admire oneself. Ended process after doing it comfortably from in front of face.
T - I did the association process (3.2) again. This time I used action to associate the two objects (eg a tea towel covering a camera). As I picked more objects the process became easier and took less focus. I picked up a sensation similar to a headache whilst doing the process, although I lost this after picking my third object. We started the next process although I was not able to feel the emotion in return from the object, and then I couldn't feel emotion towards it on the second attempt. We cleared the word "emotion" in a dictionary and left it on this win.
Tuesday 14 April 1998
R - Felt more gains available from process 3.3 Emotions
so altered it and used it on people on train going to work, then later on objects and people at work. Results astounded
me as I had recently re-investigated hypnotism as a means of dealing with others' irrationality in the workaday
world, so I really needed this process. Though knowing and using the tone scale
since 1977 I never dreamed there were such further gains to be had. Alternated idea of me feeling sympathy/fear/etc
for another, then he/she feeling that emotion for me till the following things occurred:
1. Realised now had ability to control (start, change, stop) any emotion on all flows (self to self, self to another, another to self, another to another, others to others, etc), that this is subject to others' counter intention, etc, but they are usually totally effect of emotions anyway. This IS an ability I've needed for a LONG time. (Thanks, Pilot!)
2. Experienced fear of another as `inflow', alternated this idea so another feared me, experienced this as an `outflow' which quickly led to `anger', then had huge realisation why bosses automatically become tyrants (anger/abuse) as workers become subservient (fearful, cringing, hangdog) reacting to each others' emotional flows. Used this at work to deal with supervisor and co-workers to become more positive and assertive.
3. Continued to have realisations throughout the day, too many to recall now.
T - Attempted the Emotions process again. I had a feeling from the outset that I couldn't do the process. We discussed the process further and tried to locate any misunderstood words etc. I became very agitated when I thought in order to perform the process I would have to lie. It didn't become evident to me straightaway that I had a problem with pretending and lying. This brought up my religious upbringing and how it is still at the centre of my being. The thing that left the most impression on me with Catholicism is the fact that I know the difference between right and wrong and am not able to sway from this. R is going to look at progressing further, perhaps even bypassing this process and performing it the next time through.
R - As T was still unable to do 3.3 Emotions I tried to handle her considerations - no go. I couldn't figure out what the problem was so I decided to try Appendix B - Correction List.
This is a general correction list for use in self clearing to find errors for correction or for use as a general cleanup.The instructions for using this are in chapter 27.
1. Is there an ARC Break (upset)
2. Is there a Present Time Problem
3. Has a Withhold Been Missed, etc.
T - R showed me the definition of lie in the Tech dictionary. I still feel lying has bad connotations because of my Catholic upbringing. We also discussed the conditions of is-ness, alter-is and not-is. We began the Correction List and I now have a better understanding of rudiments.
R - Located and printed out correction list handling section - Chapter 27: Keeping Yourself Moving - and read through it. Continued Appendix B - Correction List on T by asking her each question. Relevant items were taken to good results. T said item 21 - is there too much charge in the area? - applied to the Emotions process she'd been doing, so we agreed to leave the process till a later time. Item 29 - is somebody actively suppressing you or preventing you from making progress? - came up. Solution was handy at the front of the section printed out for the `handling' steps of the Correction List (Chapter 24 Suppression).
T - We continued the Correction List to try to discover why I am having so much trouble with the Emotions process. We decided item 21, "Is there too much charge in the area", presented us with the answer. I have had this problem before with clearing the subject of Chemistry. This earlier subject gave a reading on the E-meter but was not able to be dealt with at that time due to its charge.
(R - UPDATE DECEMBER 2000 - I had done a couple of actions on T using the e-meter prior to beginning the Self Clearing. Neither of us used a meter for Self Clearing up until chapter 22 where the Pilot suggests using one if you have one.)
R - My chest (sternum) very sore today. Earlier handling not complete. Further mental picture came to mind of red hot poker pushed into it (same battlefield/scene as before). This picture came up years ago but I assumed it was torture thing. Now realise it was cauterising wound after removal of musket ball. (Told T this explained my interest in US civil war movies, etc.) Then realised these past-life pictures were being keyed-in by a physical exercise I'm doing to strengthen my neck (head-stand), so all's well that ends well.
R - Very pleased with results of Correction List (Appendix B) on T. After years of processing in a small room, always using a meter and `standard tech' , and needing the support of a complete organisation, I am amazed at how well we are doing. This Self Clearing is powerful and effective needing no electronic device (so far). However, I don't know how well we'd be doing without my church background. One can tell by the diary entries T is getting good results so I decided to complete the whole Correction List. I was not surprised when suppression came up as it came up last year when we were trying to do processing and wasn't fully handled then. It certainly explained to me why T seemed to be so resistant to doing clearing.
T - R decided that we should continue with the remainder of the questions on the correction list. On question 29, "Is somebody actively suppressing you or preventing you from making progress", I felt that my mother and my brother, whom I live with, are inhibiting my spiritual growth. My brother has a slight knowledge of Dianetics but is basically stuck on the first dynamic (himself). My mother thinks that Catholicism is the answer but does not look after herself physically and has used medication to basically stay upright for the past 30 or so years.
R - Now that the item of Suppression had come to light
on T's case I knew it was imperative to address it thoroughly before continuing
this chapter or doing anything else. The Pilot offers a solution in
Chapter 24: Suppression and this is a chance to see if it works or not.
R - Came across a process mentioned in IVy magazine. It's actually from Chapter 43 Advanced Concepts in the Self Clearing book so I decided it was okay to do it.
(R - UPDATE December 2000 - In retrospect this process obviously doesn't belong in this chapter of the diary but it's what I did at the time to demonstrate one doesn't HAVE to do the processes in the given sequence)
Courage was messed up very early in our history by convincing people how beautiful and glorious it was to be courageous and fight against overwhelming odds and lose. So one tends to postulate one's opponents as stronger when one is being courageous. The following process should clean this up.
a) get the beauty of being courageous and losing
b) get the beauty of another being courageous and losing
c) get the beauty of being courageous and winning
d) get the beauty of another being courageous and winning
Run this at least to the point where you have no need to make an opponent stronger to show off how courageous you are. At basic, this underlies the tendency to mockup one's own opposition.
Feel it could take a while to get full result as so much stuff connected with it (martial arts stuff, conflicts
in life, heaps of past life stuff). Need something to do until T completes on current repair/suppression
step and this indicates. Began process while walking/catching train to work and various times during the day. Wherever
possible I write down results (a running record) as I run a process (so it's not just going round
and round in head) and then dispose of it after reaching desired result. Really works for me since this incident
when I was studying Scientology -
I was sent to Ethics department after arguing with course supervisor. I reluctantly agreed to write up my overts & withholds when assured that the supervisor would be dealt with also. After a page or two the overts automatically went earlier similar. After all, I was on full-time auditor training and winning like crazy but receiving minimal processing myself. I was left alone for some time. As I confronted present overts, earlier ones popped up. As I wrote those down further stuff came to mind that I knew wasn't this life, but definitely connected because it explained why I was having so much trouble in my present life. When the Ethics officer returned and looked at my `write-up' he said I ought to be `in session', meaning I needed a trained practitioner to guide me through the stuff I was coming up with. However, I now knew I had the ability to process myself and handle my own charge, upset, etc, if allowed to do so.
T - Continuing with `suppression' handling, began spotting suppressive people with whom I am in contact. After we ran through the spotting suppressive people questions I gave the answer of my younger brother on a few questions so we did the process with him in mind. We started with help. I feel that I have done what I can to help my brother (who smokes dope and cigarettes and gambles and owes money). He has read a bit of Dianetics but has not completed it. He commits many overts on me (takes money, breaks my belongings, last year threw a firecracker at my feet). Recently my brother rejected my affinity when I gave him something which he thought was insignificant. He hasn't bought me a birthday or Christmas present for the last couple of years. I realised that I haven't really liked him since we were children. I tolerate him but I don't spend that much time with him as his influence is negative. Remembered a time when he rejected my communication because I was influential in splitting him and his girlfriend up because he was using her. At present he and I are not in agreement as he is very sympathetic towards my mother, who is very difficult to live with. I feel that I can't be responsible for any actions that he takes. Instead of feeling that my brother is suppressing me, since doing processing I now see that he is suppressing himself ( I discovered that he now owes about $20,000 and I feel that any advice I have to offer he will not accept). After that we went swimming, in which I am constantly improving. Even though it's only April most of my New Year's resolutions have been attained (changing my job, getting rid of a three year old wart, regular processing). I also realised that I am too obsessed with the physical universe (eg how people look).
Monday 20 April 1998
R - Did another four or five hours (on and off) of 43.1 Courage & Beauty process. Some major realisations which straightened out some time track (back to entry into physical universe) but not complete yet. Recalled some more of make-wrong mechanism (If I can't fix something then I'll refuse to `see' it. May explain why I need glasses!). Also rehabbed major purpose; alway knew I wanted `out' but never knew where to, till now. Now I know I wanted out of the earth game and back up to the Marcab game. Of course I need to transcend that game too. Number of other realisations. Point is I'm having revelations daily as a result of doing self clearing.
Wednesday 21 April 1998 - received e-mail:
Thanks for the diary. I think that this is something that would help and encourage those that are doing the
processes in the book. I am going to put a link to it on the Pilot's page. It should be up within
24 hours. I will be glad to put up more pages as you send them to me. Keep up the great work!
My best to you both - (P)
Thursday 23 April 1998
T - We continued the Suppression handling. This time we concentrated on another close relative. Instead of feeling that this person was suppressing me, I discovered that the opposite was true. I have a habit of rejecting communication and invalidating this person. I will attempt to rectify this when I see this person again. As this person is not the suppressive we were looking for, we will perform the handling again on the next occasion with a close relative who recently passed away.
R - Very pleased with T's results from Suppression (Chapter 24) handling. That's two terminals down, one to go. She's been very chipper lately, and there's a lot of things (often funny) she says that don't get into the diary e.g. `I know ruds now, there's ARC break, PTP, and pan determinism', or `tone level 1.1 - covert overt`. She likes to impress me by `talking tech', which is fine by me, and a window to see what words/subjects she needs to clarify next.
Friday 24 April 1998
R - Couple more hours on 43.1. Numerous incidents came up resulting in
further cognitions e.g.
1. recalled encounter with theta pole trap. Fellow beings had succumbed to these traps and I thought I could destroy/unmock the trap/s. (It's come up many times before and is a key incident in my overall demise as a being). This time I finally understood `What you resist you become' because I was a free being (no body) before contact with it. When `they' came from craft and scraped me off it I was at total failure, unknowing, out the bottom, grateful for `rescue' and ripe for recruitment and a body courtesy of Marcab. I'd lost the thetan v body war. I had resisted the (physical) pole trap and so become matter/energy in space/time.
2. as a free being/god recalled `agreeing' to enter a universe/mockup to rescue beings trapped there in bodies. Of course now (knowing the tech) I realise they were trapped by their own agreements. So we fought. (When I first recalled this, some years ago, it was almost identical with story/images seen in Hare Krishna books where Krishna wars with humans. That hasn't changed and I could assume `I' was Krishna. But it's more likely the Krishna of my incident was a mocked-up role used to trap many other free beings). Again gained personal reality on `What you resist you become' .
(UPDATE DECEMBER 200 - I've since realised this episode is part of Incident 1
as described in
Chapter 36: Entry Into This universe)
Saturday 25 April 1998
R - It's taking all morning to write-up dairy entries for this week. As I write, T
is doing chores (dishes, scrubbing shower tiles, etc) (We take turns). I queried her and she says she still gets
upset (if things take `too long' or whatever) but she deals with it more easily and quickly than previously. Considering
Chapter 3 into two parts because it looks like being a long one. See how it goes. Later during morning
T said she knew what (who) was causing the `sore throat' and would like to include that person in Suppression handling later.
T - I am having trouble with a lady at work who I don't answer to but could make life difficult. My throat stopped being sore when it occurred to me she could be suppressing me. Since I began the job (and even at the interview) I feel as though she has been creating a chasm and negating my communications. We did the Suppression handling for her. I discovered I don't really like her although I am making an effort to. The only time she wants to chat with me is during my lunch break when I want to read and be left alone. An example of our conversation: Her, "How was your day off?" T, "Okay, although the weather was miserable." Her, "You weren't planning on going to the beach though, were you?" After doing the handling the suppression did not resolve, so I am going to create mockups (list situations where I can handle her suppression). The win I had was spotting a potentially suppressive person, which stopped a cold from occurring.
Monday 28 April 1998
Process 3.4 Automaticities
In this step, we are interested in gaining some control over various things that the mind is doing automatically. Close your eyes. Notice what you are looking at. Sometimes people have mental pictures or after images. Sometimes there are splotches of "energy". Sometimes there is just blackness but there is an "intensity" to the blackness.
Whatever you "see" with your eyes closed, make a mental image copy of it, just like it but off to the side. This could be a screen with a copy of the image on it, or it could even be a three dimensional copy of the space that you are viewing. Just get whatever you can whether real or flimsy or even just the idea that you are projecting a copy.
R - Good to be back on the main program. I went first and got some results straight away. When closed eyes saw round energy shape in blackness that's normally there. After making about a dozen copies of this it turned into a round optical lens, then a petri dish. This relates directly to some distant track I know about, but not fully resolved. Obviously this process is a powerful tool to identify/resolve mental masses. Excellent!
T - I did the Automaticities process as I felt there was still too much charge on the Emotions process. I was able to visualise a deep maroon colour and after making copies of it the colour became lighter. On command I was able to change the colour of the shape, although light green proved difficult to visualise (I had a bedroom with green walls for many years). After a while my eyes felt as though they were permanently shut. This freaked me out. I remembered having a nightmare when I was young where my eyes were covered with a sticky substance and I was very scared after this nightmare to use the bathroom. R asked me to look at an earlier similar incident. I remembered a time when I was born. My eyes were not open when I physically entered the world and the room was cold, clinical (similar to a bathroom). My win was discovering my earlier similar and making the association. I also felt brighter.
Tuesday 29 April 1998
R - Had put in more time on 43.1 during day, so happy to work with T on Automaticities.
T - Did the Automaticities process again. This brought up the problem of stopping processes as I had a headache which I felt was due to the room light. I looked for an earlier similar and came up with puberty, which I wanted to stop but couldn't. This memory proved to be upsetting as I feel that between the ages of 15 and 25 was a time filled with fear, confusion and guilt associated with menstruation.
Wednesday 30 April 1998
R - Taking the night off tonight. However, put in a few more hours on 43.1 today. Lots of new understandings but still not fully resolved.
Thursday 1 May 1998
R - Got angry with T (I know it's a violation of the Auditor's Code) when she was being unwilling (again) to continue with the next process, or cooperate with any handling. Abandoned her and went on the computer for the rest of the evening. Later on, in bed, recalled that when doing process 1.3 Applying the Attention Process to the body (I call it OT touch assist) recently my body no longer appeared `solid'. It looked `clear', empty, like those plastic models (called Visible Man/Woman). Did much OTIII with the church then Excalibur in freezone, and read NOTs material, so decided this was somewhat significant.
Friday 2 May 1998
R - Made up with T and had dinner in town with her to celebrate our Self Clearing progress so far.
T - I told R that I'm having a lot of problems with the processes. I feel like he drags them out when in fact he's just trying to help. I'd rather we just did straight auditing on the cans with the problems that I'm aware of instead of doing the processes and waiting until I flare up. During the week I have had no trouble with the person at work since doing the suppression handling. We have been getting along a lot better.
Saturday 3 May 1998
Process 3.5 More Automaticities
Pick a nice object in the room. Sit and look at it in a comfortable manner. If there are any thoughts running around in your head, pick one and "copy" it, thinking it over and over and making it "louder" and "softer" alternately until you have control over it and no need to think it. Then pick another and do the same until your thoughts "quiet down".
If anything else is distracting your attention from the object, copy it many times and change its characteristics (color, loudness, or any variation in intensity or quality) until the distraction fades.
Work to cool everything down so that you can just sit comfortably and look
R - After dealing with a couple of thoughts quickly realised mastering this process would put one at cause over one's mind. Then I helped T to a win, as follows.
T - First of all I had trouble with this process due to the ticking of our clock, which reminds me of a bomb ticking. We found an earlier similar on this when I had a noisy clock when I was younger and I threw it on the floor to try to stop the noise. In order to do the current process I moved the clock into another room. I selected a roll of paper on the table to focus on. A song came into my head which distracted me. I repeated the first two lines of the song, making it louder and softer in my head alternately. I started to laugh as I realised how silly the whole thing was.
Process 3.6 Confront
Now we are going to drill confronting. This consists of simply sitting there and looking at something, with you attention on the thing that you are looking at and no attention on or activity going on with your body or mind. This drills your ability to hold a position in space and simply be there without distraction
R - Wonderful to discover this `undercut' after so many hours of `confronting another person' in the church. It's a perfect gradient step which T needs (she was unable to do any `confronting' processes previously). We sat and looked at the wall together for some minutes. Dealt with a stray thought as recommended, making it `louder', `softer' until no need to think of it. Then ensured T was doing okay.
T - We did a confront process a few years ago with limited success. We started off by clearing the word "confront". I had though it meant to meet, but it actually has for me now a negative connotation. This time around instead of concentrating on looking at each other we looked at the wall. I had many distractions (cars, birds, thoughts) but was able to continue to confront the wall. After a while my eyes started to get heavy, although I still had control. On the first attempt of this process I was happy to just confront for 30 seconds or so.
Sunday 4 May 1998
R - 7.30am. Couldn't sleep-in despite being tired. Purpose to work on diary too strong. So
much more occurring than gets written here, e.g. `dream' last night/this morning (a result of overrunning
the Courage & Beauty process?): War zone. Bosnia today? Another planet millions of years ago?
Small girl on street; bare feet, tattered dress, singing. She flinches as soldiers/people approach, exterminating/
cleansing. They/we notice and stop, captivated by beautiful voice and courage. Our admiration is met with tears
from her eyes. She sings louder, not just for her own life, but for the life of all her people. An oasis of pathos
in the midst of war's carnage she pleads for all the victims of war. One can learn from dreams, thus:
1. Recalled datum that American Indians believe (know?) showing courage (e.g. singing, dancing) to the enemy when facing death can save your life. Recalled images from movies illustrating this.
2. Above `dream' was/is totally `real', either an actual incident or an implant, obviously triggered by and is (for me) the epitome of process 43.1 Courage and Beauty.
3. `Army' was stopped by waif mockup/beautiful singing combination. Aesthetic/courage defeated (is solution to) brute force. If actual incident or implant I could not continue war and kill child. Importantly, unable to erase picture (that's why it's there) therefore I'm (still) trapped by it.
4. We are trapped by a thing (picture/dream etc) until/unless we can create/destroy (have/not have) it.
5. This `dream' (therefore others also) could by `my' picture or exist at a level common to all of us.
6. Aesthetics/beauty is more real to me. (Though very first poem went into school magazine, and written many limericks, poems, songs.) Can see how we are effect of it rather than cause.
Tuesday 5 May 1998
R - Had day off work so spent some hours surfing the net, downloaded 40 chapters of
Ingo Swann's The Real Story (his involvement with `Remote Viewing') plus other stuff. Imagine, one of the world's leading `superpsychics' couldn't get his book published so he's posted it free to the internet! (www.biomindsuperpowers.com/Pages/Superpowers.html). Oh, he's done Scientology, by the way.
Wednesday 6 May 1998
R - Travelling to work I did more 43.1 Courage & Beauty. Finally got it! Blew identification of beauty/aesthetics with `losing'. Explains why I mysteriously lost to others in martial arts, arguments etc. `There's beauty in losing' type computation/s. There may be other flows to handle but I've blown the compulsion to `sabotage' myself, which has been there for ages.
At work thought about experiences had since beginning Scn and LRH's `One needs to become clear on all dynamics' (see Chapter 44.1) Recalled first past life recall, exteriorisation from body (on book & bottle), super literacy (study tech), word clear, Clear (1st dynamic), exteriorisation from physical universe (on Purification Rundown), 8th dynamic clear, and a state of `static' experienced twice whilst driving. Wondered why these experiences were transient and infrequent. On train returning from work closed eyes and re-experienced state of static and realised it was because of identification with body. Body had always been stable datum/home/`me'. When I spotted this error/assumption I was able to `have' the static state and identify with it for the first time.
Friday 7 May 1998
R - Again, going to work, experienced annoyance at others/humans (smoking, shuffling, etc) and found refuge in recent re-attainment of state of `static'. It was suddenly obvious why `relaxation' works and is so popular (numerous books, anti-stress practices of yoga, tai chi, etc). They all take individual towards static and away from `motion' /physical universe. Then the dichotomy (a crashing misunderstood word only months ago) of static/motion became obvious. Then later, in afternoon, more fell into place. Realised it was state of Clear on 6th dynamic/MEST (Matter, Energy, Space, Time). Then realised ability to have or not have MEST will. Then a major goal fell into place. That would be OT on 6th dynamic, obviously. That blew earlier invalidation from a Sea Org member who said someone who moved objects/mest was not `real' OT. He said scn staff members were `real' OTs. He died of skin cancer while I was still on staff. Anyway, now I see we were both right. `His' OT was one on third dynamic (group/s), mine was one on sixth dynamic. We were unable to differentiate this at the time. Also, I was in `tech' and he was `admin'.
That's all for now. We've just purchased another home unit so we have to pack/move etc.
Wednesday 13 May 1998
R - What a nightmare! T & I began ferrying stuff (in suitcases from old unit to car then to new unit) on Friday after work through to Sunday, then two truckloads (washer, fridge, beds, home gymn, etc). Now there's cleaning of old unit and set-up in new unit. Computer up & running now, hence this entry. Thank Ron for all those CCHs! But it didn't stop me being heavily affected by `dust allergy'. (How embarrassing after recent progress, cognitions etc). Anyway, that's why no diary entries since Friday. Did have a few ongoing realisations, though, eg `Lost In Space' is showing currently. Realised we (humans) are lost in MEST until regain state of `static'.
T - Two cold sores appeared on my lips this morning. After tolerating throbbing pain for the day R suggested a Touch Assist. I have not learnt this skill yet so R performed it on me. After commencing this assist I reached a point where I realised that the ailment wasn't very important.
Thursday 14 May 1998
T - I had a great cognition today. My cold sores are a restimulation of an event last year when I was waiting for an elevator to see my GP. I accidentally hit my lip with an umbrella and the lip blew up. Today I went to the same building for another appointment, hence the re-stimulation.
Friday 15 May 1998
T - Today was the first time I was able to work out the Minesweeper game on Windows 3.1. I have made many attempts and although this win is small, It was important to acknowledge it as a win against mest.
Saturday 16 May 1998
Process 3.7 Holding Corners
Do this while sitting in a chair.Close your eyes.Put your attention on the two upper back corners of the room.Keep your attention there ignoring all distractions as in the confronting drill given above.
Once you can sit there comfortably for a few minutes, then open your eyes and look around and notice things that seem real to you. Then close your eyes again and repeat this drill putting your attention on all four back corners of the room simultaneously.
Again look around and notice things that seem real to you. Then do this with all eight corners of the room. If it seems like too much, do six first and then eight. You want to reach the point where you can sit there comfortably holding eight points. End off by looking around and noticing things that seem real to you
R - There's still heaps of stuff to be put away, but no rush now. Previous unit cleaned ready for renting. So made time for this next process. Sat next to T and began it despite a headache. Both fell asleep briefly during process but continued on. Process actually helped my headache. As I held 8 corners of room my viewpoint flipped from being inside the room to being outside. This made me aware headache was probably due to an unacknowledged exteriorisation. Yawned a lot which reduced headache and ended on that win.
T - I felt a little sleepy performing this process with four corners. When we started holding eight corners it was a lot easier as there were less distractions.
Sunday 17 May 1998
R - Always like to have alternative processes to be going on with when T is away, so if there are no entries for some days then I'm usually doing other related self-clearing stuff. Without going into what this other stuff is, it's important to note it is run to excellent results in the style of this Self Clearing book, i.e. no meter, writing down all answers to processing question, continuing process to a good result.
Wednesday 20 May 1998
T - Early this morning I had a strong psychic experience. I knew that a news item was going to be shown five minutes before it was. R and I had a psychic experience last month when we entered a shopping centre raffle and we knew our ticket number would be called before it was. Any psychic ability I have has been heightened since beginning the Self Clearing course.
Saturday 23 May 1998
Process 3.8 Other People
Now go outside to a crowded place. Do this in daylight on a nice day if possible. If you are away from civilization, then do the best you can, making do if necessary with a place that has many lifeforms.Each step is done many times until you feel good about it before going on to the next one.
Notice individual people. For each one, simply look at them and decide that you are willing for them to be as they are. Put aside all ideas and considerations and simply accept what people are being.
Next, spot individuals and decide that deep down they like you no matter what they are projecting on the surface. And decide that deep down, you like them no matter what the surface manifestations are. Do this irrationally and with total disregard for logic. Do it simply by decision and intention ignoring any surface reasons why it could not be true.
Next, spot individuals and see them as godlike infinite spirits and view their bodies, attitudes, and manifestations as transient projections which they are putting there temporarily.Now spot individuals and mentally acknowledge them for being there.
Continue this until you feel really good about people and can accept them as they are.
We read instructions for this process (it's in 4 parts) so as to do it tomorrow when we will be at a crowded place (swimming pool). Meanwhile decided to begin Chapter 4.
Sunday 24 May 1998
R - In fact swimming pool wasn't crowded but we did begin process insofar as discussing why we couldn't (per part 1 of process) just `accept' people. So we got some considerations off and decided to do process later in the week at a crowded place.
Tuesday 26 May 1998
R - While at crowded shopping centre today continued 3.8 (1st part) accepting people with T. Not easy when one's normal thoughts are `Gee, what a fat/ugly/stupid person', or `How gross, a baby on the hip, mother smoking a cigarette', or `How do they manage to keep food in their mouth if it's always open?', and such. Had couple of realisations, such as one has to be able to accept/not accept anything to be cause over it. T had trouble with this process (stopped doing it and left the area) which I hope she will relate when ready. I think we have much to gain from continuing 3.8 at convenient times, but meanwhile will continue with Chapter 4.
T - This process was very hard to do. I do not accept people very easily and prefer dealing with animals. While we were in the post office I was able to accept another lady opposite from me as she was being delayed as well. Apart from that it was pretty much dislike of most people due to their habits, mode of dress, disregard of the rules.
R - Okay, we'll persevere with this process at appropriate times, but meanwhile we've begun the next chapter.
R - So many gains resulting from the Self Clearing Book. Here are some things we appreciate:
1. Self Clearing is free. Since starting it we've
purchased our second home unit. The new mortgage is no problem and we can rent out the first unit which is now
paid off. We have no other debts.
2. Self Clearing works. We've found these processes equally effective for both a `beginner' and someone `advanced' seeking self improvement.
3. Purpose. Maintaining this `diary' keeps us committed and on track. We definitely agree with the Pilot on keeping a written record of results.
4. Achievement. We believe in keeping up with current earth technology such as computers and the internet. So typing, editing, uploading this diary to the net, etc, helps us with that.
5. Progress. Considering we often thought we'd never get through Chapter 1, we've done well to complete up to Chapter 3. You just keep taking the next step.
6. Solo. You don't HAVE to be trained for years to get yourself and/or others through this book. The Pilot has already done that and you just have to follow the book, chapter by chapter. The hardest thing for me is getting T to do the next process and keep moving. I already KNOW this stuff works to make life better and better. She doesn't (yet).
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On to Diary Chapter 4