Self Clearing Diary
This is the flip side of the MUST HAVE/CAN'T HAVE difficulty discussed in the previous chapter. These are the things that many people feel they MUST AVOID but can't seem to get rid of. When we were handling something that a person Must Have, we had to begin by wasting it to reverse the stuck flow on trying to get it. Once that is knocked out, then we run general processes of accepting and rejecting it to stabilize the person so that he doesn't start the whole mess over again.
For something that the person is trying to get rid of which wouldn't go away (and almost seems like he is pulling in on himself), the first process has to be the exact opposite. Since he is compulsively avoiding, he must mockup ways to have more of whatever it is until the stuck point dissolves. Then we do the rest of it exactly the same as we did for a Must Have because the remaining steps get the person to a point where he can accept or reject at will without compulsion. Refer back to section 15.1 in the previous chapter for general information on doing these processes. Again we will work over some common things that people are often avoiding.
The Pilot's Self Clearing book - Chapter 17
R - Before beginning this chapter I had to acknowledge the latest win I'd experienced - the ability to be cause and effect at the same time. It's like the distance (and therefore time) disappeared from the cause-distance-effect equation, or I could be both thetan and body at the same moment, although both were quite separate. Interesting.
Here we are looking at the flip side of desirable work. This is the stuff that the person doesn't want to do and is not interested in doing but is made to do by whatever circumstances. And the more he tries to avoid it, the more it seems to seek him out.
17.1.1 Mockup a way to have more drudgery.
R - Today did processes 17.1.1 through to 17.2.1 with usual fantastic results. The idea of directly processing `pain' just blew me away.
R - Huge win re annoyance due to noise from someone's `personal' stereo player. Deciding (yet again - it's not worked previously but I keep trying) to adopt a winning attitude, be cause instead of effect, it became a game which I tried yet again to `win'. However, it remained impossibly `tough' and I continued bouncing from cause to effect. With that it struck me I MUST have done something similar to others to be suffering so much myself. Suddenly I recalled a cycle as a psychologist scientist testing people's tolerance of various annoyance factors including noise/music.
THAT was the answer! FINALLY I knew`why'. I saw I had deliberately inflicted this type of thing on others and myself (testing endurance levels, etc. in the name of psychology or science in some long lost past).
I'd been trying to resolve this problem ever since Walkmans, etc, came on the market. The win only became possible following results from SC chapter 17 (Must Avoid and Can't Get Rid Of - processing `pain'). The mental pain and distress was compounded by countless losses trying to `handle' it previously.
The `past life' recall is not the important point here. I (and many others) do that routinely. My partner (T) rarely `goes track' yet is equally happy with her results running the exact same processes. The important thing which we continue to prove (after 18 months of SC) is these processes are dynamite for both new AND advanced people. No meter, no expensive `professional auditing', case supervision, rules, conditions, red tags, ethics, harrassment, etc.
R - Another big win. They continue to occur routinely between sessions. Today's win occurred after someone thanked me for wiping up a small spill in a tea room, saying I was well trained. I got that it was a compliment. Later I suddenly GOT that basically there are only TWO types of people - those that improve situations and those that worsen them. I had thought there was a third category - those who do neither. But it's a FACT that conditions do not improve by themselves and it's a fact that conditions DO deteriorate by themselves. For instance the pyramids continue to deteriorate despite the best efforts to preserve them. That's the nature of this universe. So if a person is not actively improving conditions then he is actually helping to worsen them. The `fence-sitter' is actually being suppressive.
17.1.1 Mock up a way to have more drudgery
T - I realised that for me havingness equals drudgery (job, house).
(a) visualise imposing drudgery on another
(b) visualise another imposing drudgery on you
(c) visualise another imposing drudgery on others
T - I realised that drudgery for others is something which is perceived. What I think is drudgery for me doesn't mean it's drudgery for someone else. It's only drudgery if it's communicated and acknowledged by the individual.
(a) What could drudgery be a substitute for
(b) what could substitute for drudgery
T - To me a substitute for drudgery is being cause. If something feels like drudgery one has to be able to confront it and deal with it.
(a) What drudgery could you accept
(b) what drudgery could you reject
T - I accept drudgery when I don't have any choice, and I try to make the best out of it. I can reject drudgery which is someone else's (enforced drudgery).
R - Did about an hour of UCP (Universal Clearing Process) this morning with nice result. (I use UCP regularly as a sort of `Havingness' process between SC sessions). This morning I noticed I was looking to the left when viewing past incidents, and looking right to view future ones. It's a well known phenomenon in psychology that (most) people's eyes look left when they think of past incidents and right for future incidents and I've known about it for years. As I noticed myself doing it today I saw my `life' as a length of film stretched out before me. I saw that `I' was quite separate from it, `not that', resulting in exteriorisation from the physical record of my existence (time track) for a short time.
Later did further processing on `pain' with excellent results/realisations including:
* Seeing how painful emotion is generated by holding onto a viepoint/reality too strongly
* How charge/painful emotion generates when one is prevented from returning a received flow of pain
* Increased understanding of the mechanics of clearing re terminals and charge
* Recalled a big `loss' in karate when I returned a flow to my instructor knocking him down. (He was tough and scary, his specialty was breaking baseball bats with his shins). At that time I felt I'd `lost' as the rules said not to make contact and I hadn't wanted to. I now see that he'd forced me to retaliate, unblocking a stuck flow. Twenty years later, thanks to Self Clearing, I can now have that win.
Most people do not like pain. In trying to avoid it they often encounter more. So let's handle this.
17.2.1 Mockup a way to have more pain.
T - I can understand how people are into extreme sports. It's as if they've transcended regular pain (eg torn muscles, broken bones) and they've brought fear into the equation, with the possible outcome of pain.
(a) visualise giving pain to another
(b) visualise another giving pain to you
(c) visualise another giving pain to others
T - I realised that pain I experience is my pain and my problem, not the other person's, and for me it's usually psycho-somatic.
(a) what could pain be a substitution for
(b) what could substitute for pain
T - A substitute for pain is an engram, a picture containing trauma, baggage which we carry around constantly as a benchmark on how to behave and what not to do.
(a) what pain could you accept
(b) what pain could you reject
T - I can accept pain with the proviso of anaesthetic. I think it's funny that anaesthetic is slight pain used to confuse the body into not accepting greater pain from surgery. I also realised that a lot of out of body experiences happen during surgery. The body is accepting the pain due to the anaesthetic `deadening' it, however the spirit gets out of the body, rejecting the pain momentarily.
Mock up a way to receive more criticism
T - To receive more criticism means a slide down the tone scale. You're not going to be criticised if you look stunning (aesthetics) unless it's a tall poppy syndrome, whereby you'll receive more criticism if you're famous.
(a) visualise criticising another
(b) visualise another criticising you
(c) visualise another criticising others
T - I realised that my be/do/have is so aberrated that I have to criticise other people's. A prime example of criticising others occurs in the media, and it's easily accepted and used as a benchmark by others (eg film critics determine what we view).
(a) what could criticism be a substitution for
(b) what could substitute for criticism
T - Criticism is a substitute for my own reality or inability to deal with it (R refers to this as jealousy).
(R - Whoops - sorry about the evaluation!)
(a) what criticism could you accept
(b) what criticism could you reject
T - Technically I accept all criticism directed towards me (you can't avoid it). Also criticism is such a hard thing to accept. I realised if you accept someone else's criticism you're also accepting their withholds.
Now mockup crowds of critical people around you. Push them into the body and throw them away as in 15.1.5.
T - Whilst pushing in somebody from work I got the feeling that they're very much like me and able to fit inside me wholly. Perhaps also I see myself as a sort of `nothingness' and let people pass through me easily.
Now close your eyes and imagine that you are looking down at a large city as in 15.1.6. Spot activities involving criticism. For each one, reach down and connect to it, and then disconnect from it. Continue this until you can reach and let go of these easily without any flinch at connecting to them.
T - I think I'm okay with reach and withdraw because I don't normally get involved with the stuff of others. I also though of how critical my mother is and how I don't get sucked into her tirades about people.
Another thing that we often try to avoid and can't seem to get away from is aggravation.
17.4.1 Mockup a way to receive more aggravation.
T - I felt that by knowing things I can receive more aggravation. An example of this is when my mother last year told me not to come over for Christmas, as she didn't feel like spending it with anyone else. I then found out that my brother and his wife visited her.
(a) visualise aggravating another
(b) visualise another aggravating you
(c) visualise another aggravating others
T - I realised that aggravation doesn't have to take a direct route person to person (eg verbally). It also doesn't necessarily mean that something has to happen (something could be forgotten or omitted). The example I came up with is R's mother being aggravated by the neighbour's dogs. It is the neighbour aggravating her through the dogs. However R's mother does not communicate her aggravation to the neighbour, therefore it continues.
(a) what could aggravation be a substitution for
(b) what could substitute for aggravation
T - I realised that aggravation is a substitute for knowingness, which I didn't realise earlier in this chapter. Take the East Timor crisis. The rebels aren't tertiary-educated and they think that violence is the answer because they can't get what they want. It's not the university-educated politicians who are at the forefront of the protestations.
(a) what aggravation could you accept
(b) what aggravation could you reject
T - I realised that (like with other things) there's a scale of aggravation. Everyone has a line, and when it's crossed then the rejection will begin.
Now mockup crowds of critical people around you. Push them into the body and throw them away as in 15.1.5.
T - I can see how TV/movies focus on people gaining power from others, which is what I got (a huge coming together of aggravation being blown off). It reminded me of Juvenal healing people in the movie Touch. It would be nice to blow off the aggravation of others. Similarly with pushing people away (a bit like what R says you can do in aikido).
Now close your eyes and imagine that you are looking down at a large city as in 15.1.6. Spot activities involving aggravation. For each one, reach down and connect to it, and then disconnect from it. Continue this until you can reach and let go of these easily without any flinch at connecting to them
T - I find that I see daily aggravation at work. I can reach and withdraw on it, depending upon its importance. I try to remain fairly neutral and not easily aggravated. I came up with imagining a football match and a war zone. It helps to be able to see both sides to a situation, but not many people are skilled in doing that.
17.5 Other Areas
This can be used for other things that you are trying to avoid. These could be things such as bills or punishments or whatever. Fill in the blanks with the appropriate item.
17.5.1 Mockup a way to have (receive) more _____.
T - I thought of the area of boors (or boring people). I ran the processing as I have through the other items in the chapter until I reached a flat point.
R - Awoke this morning realising the import of a recent conversation with a friend. He'd asked for my opinion (viewpoint) on something and I provided the one he was fishing for. Now it suddenly occurred to me he'd needed my agreement to build a new reality he already had in mind. I've known `reality equals agreement' for many years. Now I understand it further as `reality equals agreement of viewpoints'. This being a `two terminal universe' then two viewpoints/terminals are required to build or change a reality. But it wasn't really necessary for him to get my agreement. He could just go out and do what he wanted.
Doing UCP (Universal Clearing Process) later the above understanding expanded and I realised why I liked computers. It's easy to start/change/stop (control) things (realities) on a computer - the colours, the fonts, programs, print stuff, etc. You can't change people so easily. They won't do what you want them to, they hold erroneous, illogical, unfounded beliefs and opinions, fail to grasp obvious ideas, (held down 7's) etc.
R - Gosh, a week's gone by since my last entry. I continue to do hours of SC on most weekdays but I no longer type up all the results. I'm now up to process 17.2.4 . Monday did 12 pages of answers with great wins but wanted to take it further. So yesterday did another 11 pages and was rewarded with a very nice result/s worth mentioning. The process led me through a case layer of aggravation caused by bad communications, then through a layer of opposing realities (agreements), into a layer of conflicting spaces (just being in dad's space irritated him, etc), all of it major cognitions stuff.
I even spotted the first time I had `become' mest and realised affinity is that manifestation. One
IS the space.
The being/thetan identifies with an area of space, thus setting the scene for games/conflict with others. I saw how
this was in opposition to the idea of `co-existence of static'. THIS was the foundation/earlier similar to being
bodies, being objects, etc, which came much later. I felt the process was starting to bite and I continued.
THEN I spotted my brother. And suddenly I saw where ALL the aggravation with him this lifetime stemmed from. I'd previously recalled an early track (thetan v thetan period) game of Hide and Seek resulting in a number of wins and realisations. This time however as I observed one of the players disrupting the game I suddenly realised it was my brother. This was EXACTLY the behaviour he'd manifested throughout my childhood this lifetime. ALL the upsets were explained, including his accidents (broken arms, sliced-off finger). HE HASN'T CHANGED!
But I wanted a `why' so I continued the process. Suddenly I got an earlier beginning. Prior to the game he was (postulating being) alone in his `space' and I came along and lured him out with the promise (postulate) that `games are fun'. That still IS my current attitude to life. NOW I saw his attitude (postulate) starkly opposed to mine. The shocker is it STILL IS. He hasn't changed one iota. Fortunately Self Clearing has allowed me to change.
This was my first experience/reality of an `opterm' (opposing terminal). This conflict has continued for eons and would continue forever but for this process exposing it. I am very blown out. Thanks to LRH and to the Pilot.
R - Many apologies for not keeping this diary up to date. T and I began ninjutsu last week so it could fall even further behind. Still - you could always re-read everything from the beginning : )
[ End Chapter 17 ]
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